Bitch Slap Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		4.0
Audio		4.5
Extras		5.0
Overall		3.0

Bitch Slap Blu-ray Movie Review

There's a right way to grindhouse, and a wrong way to grindhouse.

Reviewed by Brian Orndorf September 10, 2012

Those expecting a seamy, Vaseline-uncorked ride through exploitation cinema heaven with “Bitch Slap” might be well advised to skip this picture entirely. More of an “Austin Powers” carnival of camp with YouTube production polish, “Bitch Slap” opens with a Joseph Conrad quote and ends in a hail of bullets, leaving the midsection fairly anticlimactic and insistently silly. It’s criminal to dismiss something so utterly consumed with ample feminine assets and cross-eyed ultraviolence, but the goofball pitch of this fluff grows tiresome early in the first round, rendering the picture a splendid 10-minute short film idea stretched intolerably to 105 minutes.

Out somewhere in the desert is unknown treasure tied to criminal kingpin Cage (Michael Hurst), with vixens Hel (Erin Cummings), Camero (America Olivio), and Trixie (Julia Voth) on the run to dig up whatever’s buried deep in the sand. Faced with threat and distraction from all sides, the ladies attempt to navigate stormy waters of mistrust to take possession of the booty, finding the mounting paranoia too much to bear as their personal histories are sorted out. With the clock ticking, their skintight clothes disintegrating, and brutality all around, the trio square off in the blazing heat with quick fists and loud guns, hoping to kill off the competition and take possession of the mystery prize.

Assembling homages and filching moves from the likes of Russ Meyer, Andy Sidaris, and Larry Flynt, Rick Jacobson’s “Bitch Slap” seems like such a rollicking good time from the outside. The package tempts viewers with scantily clad women carrying bursting bustlines, massive weaponry, and explosive exchanges between criminal flotsam and jetsam; it’s a birthday party of sin ready to please. However, the finished product only brings eye rolls and yawns; a bizarre shock wave of indifference solidified by Jacobson’s insistence that his movie should be nothing short of a cartoon.

“Bitch Slap” is pure camp (as if the title didn’t suggest as much already), but it’s uninspired camp, swung broadly by Jacobson to cover for the film’s two-bits budget and amateur cast. Complaining about a Red Bull-gulping, funhouse tone to a film that’s 90% ogle, 10% wisecrack is an unexpected reaction, but there’s a limit to B-movie silliness and “Bitch Slap” doesn’t know when to step back and let its impish behavior exhale.

The treasure hunt takes up the central plot, while the rest of the film uses various, abrupt leaps back in time to provide the more vivid sequences of action through cheeky flashbacks, explaining how our heroines came to be. The concept is merry enough, but the entire film is riddled with an overwhelming amount of CGI embellishment, along with an addiction to greenscreen that rudely pulls the rug out from under the curvy fantasy Jacobson is attempting to mount. Since the entire feature has been made on the cheap, the CGI is always crude and unconvincing, pulling attention away from the important bits of jiggle and exposition. The direction is more ambitious than the budget allows, underlining the often obnoxious posture of the picture.

Again, “Bitch Slap” is always light and forever self-aware, which brings about some peaks of absurdity, including a wet t-shirt fight, a stripper with a glowing vagina, and an endless stream of one-liner groaners (the dialogue is purposely awful and always unfunny). The picture also assumes the role of a female empowerment machine, with an inordinate amount of attention placed on male genital trauma, just to even things up I suppose. It’s a grab-bag of Jacobson fetishes packaged together in the name of B-movie glee, but the mood is always forced, the actors severely deficient in the talent department, and the action distractingly synthetic from beginning to end.

Bitch Slap Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

The AVC encoded image (2.35:1 aspect ratio) presentation on "Bitch Slap" emerges from a strikingly clean digital source, providing a highly charged viewing event. Colors are exceptional, with juicy hues popping off costuming (Trixie's skintight gold lame dress is a particularly eye-catching creation), while the warmth of the desert is felt in hefty yellows and sizzling browns, also making room for deep reds for bloody exchanges. Skintones are ideally pink and alert. Of course, this is an extremely artificial looking movie, with blatant greenscreen work and a general absence of cinematic grit. Some softness pops up from time to time, yet fine detail remains satisfactory, with excellent textures on costuming and close-ups, while CGI work remains easily surveyed. Crush is present, a particular disappointment with low-lit interiors, helping to thicken dense hairstyles and larger crowd scenes.

Bitch Slap Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The 5.1 DTS-HD MA sound mix remains as impulsive as the movie it supports, with a pleasing read of screen violence that sustains a hearty low-end presence with explosions and bass-heavy soundtrack cuts. The music is immersive and driving, helping to maintain what passes for screen energy with "Bitch Slap," while dialogue exchanges keep their frontal position without disruption, finding verbal sparring between multiple cast members easy to follow, with full, communicative voices. Surrounds are active with outdoor atmospherics, keeping the desert sequences lively with gusts of wind and assorted sonic elements, while the mayhem is also circular, delivering blasts of directional activity during more chaotic encounters and tight enclosures, helping to sell the enormity of a terribly minor picture.

Bitch Slap Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Commentary with writer/producer/director Rick Jacobson, writer/producer Eric Gruendemann, and associate producer Brian Peck carries more of a technical edge to the conversation, with the men eagerly discussing the trials and tribulations of the "Bitch Slap" shoot. Despite Peck's overreliance on cursing to make his points, the track is quite informative, attempting to analyze the low-budget creation with emphasis on daily struggles and creative breakthroughs, highlighting the collaborative nature of the production. Extended conversation about screenwriting intent is also provided.

• Commentary with actresses Julia Voth, Erin Cummings, and America Olivio is expectedly lightweight and reserved only for die-hard fans of the movie. Talk of "boob sweat" continuity and catering cookies fills time, along with giggles and tepid small talk between the ladies.

• "Building a Better B-Movie" (99:36, HD) is a multi-part exploration of the "Bitch Slap" production experience, boasting an incredible amount of detail. Using the table read as a starting point, the documentary spins off into a multitude of directions, using cast and crew interviews (most shot on-set) to dissect creative choices, pre-production concerns, and backstage antics. It's a full-bodied observance of moviemaking from excited participants, who happily dish up details on a speedy shoot involving an incredible amount of greenscreen work and desert challenges. We meet everyone involved in the creation of "Bitch Slap," with special attention paid to director Jacobson, who discusses his intent to manufacture a down-and-dirty exploitation picture, drawing upon his experience guiding "Xena: Warrior Princess" and "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys." Although it's questionable to spend so much time inspecting the working parts of "Bitch Slap" (especially without a postmortem perspective), the documentary is creatively assembled (albeit cursed with shoddy sound recording) and informative, providing an understanding of cinematic intent and on-set camaraderie, with plenty of isolated atmosphere (including a production pull-up contest) included to leave viewers sated when it comes to anything BTS related.

• A Theatrical Trailer has not been included.

Bitch Slap Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Jacobson knows his way around glistening cleavage and bloody bullet ballets, but assembling a swift, meaningful tribute to the gods of sexploitation is something that eludes his graceless touch. He's out to make eye candy, but the act grows stale long before the arrival of a massive, spirited Vegas shoot-out closer, mixed with a few select quotes from "The Art of War" to help with screenwriting legitimacy issues. All the revealing costumes, Penthouse Letter structure, and girl nation rumbling can't cover the fact that "Bitch Slap" is an awesome idea handed the least effective execution possible.