Beware! Children at Play Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		5.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		4.5
Overall		4.5

Beware! Children at Play Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Brian Orndorf March 7, 2022

1989’s “Beware! Children at Play” isn’t a well-known film, but those aware of it tend to have mixed feelings about the endeavor. Writer Fred Scharkey and director Mik Cribben attempt to create their own “Children of the Corn” experience with the feature, wading into Stephen King waters with their take on cult horrors involving ruined kids and the adults trying to make sense of madness. Viewers aren’t treated to a polished understanding of taboo villainy, with Cribben acquiring a small budget for the effort, trying to win over genre fans with moments of body-blasting gore and a finale that’s all about violence toward children. Naturally, this all ties into “Beowulf,” right? Well, according to Scharkey, it does, working to give “Beware! Children at Play” some distinction beyond its vision for slaughtering little ones. This is a supremely weird picture, and one that visibly struggles to fill its run time. However, for some, the journey to its splatter conclusion might be worth enduring extreme dramatic flatness to get there.

John (Michael Robertson) is a pulp writer on a trip with his wife, Julie (Lori Romero), and their daughter, Cara, traveling to Ellenburg, a small New Jersey town. Along the way, the family interacts with bible salesman Ludwig (Herb Klinger), who warns the outsiders that the area is inhabited by a strange cult of children who reside in the forest. Sheriff Ross (Rich Hamilton) is all too aware of the growing problem, having lost one of his kids to the “woodies,” inviting military pal John to his house to work on a solution, helping to calm rising tempers with the locals. Hoping to tap into John’s experience with psychic energy, due to his writing history, Ross is hunting for a way to find his child, whom he believes is still out there, somewhere. The crisis intensifies when another of Ross’s kids is taken by the cult, forcing John into action as the community turns to mob justice.

“Beware! Children at Play” doesn’t grab viewers right away, like a more professional filmmaking effort would. Instead, we’re treated to a ten-minute sequence where the future leader of the woodies (or “goblins,” as billed in the end credits), Grendel, watches as his father slowly dies after stepping into a bear trap during a camping trip. This is followed by another ten minutes of iffy exposition from Ludwig, a salesman who makes sure to detail the history of the area to John while waiting for his radiator to cool down. “Beware! Children at Play” doesn’t make an initial positive impression, with Cribben generally refusing the concept of pace, trying to stretch material normally reserved for a few minutes of screen time into an entire first act.

The tempo of “Beware! Children at Play” doesn’t improve as it unfolds, but more of a story starts to develop with Ross and his desire to use John’s experience with the other side to find his stolen kid. Unfortunately, the material doesn’t pursue mental gymnastics, remaining with community unrest, including farmer Braun (Cribben), another parent of a missing child, and he’s looking for revenge, trying to pressure Ross into action while whipping the gun-toting locals into a frenzy, giving smarmy reporter Hawthorne (Lauren Cloud) something to write about. “Beware! Children at Play” chooses to stick with exposition, making the whole effort feel like a community theater production as lukewarm performances (there’s no visible reaction to absolute tragedy from any character in this thing) handle stiff dialogue, which eventually goes deep into the “Beowulf” business, as Julie summons her teacher superpowers to expose what’s really going down in this Anglo-Saxon mystery. Along the way, a few brief moments of outrageous gore are offered, but this is a relentlessly talky endeavor, as Cribben saves his big monetary moment for the final five minutes of the film.

Beware! Children at Play Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

The AVC encoded image (1.85:1 aspect ratio) is sourced from a 2K scan of the original camera negative. This certainly has to be the best "Beware! Children at Play" has ever looked, as Vinegar Syndrome provides a richly film-like look to the endeavor, with fine grain and excellent detail. Clear faces are present, exploring skin particulars and makeup efforts (exposing some movie magic with gory imagery), and the woodsy locations retain depth. Interiors highlight decorative additions. Colors are strong, with deep greenery and red blood. Brighter primaries are appealing as well. Skintones are natural. Delineation is exact. Source is in good condition, with a few faint scratches.

Beware! Children at Play Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The 2.0 DTS-HD MA mix does contain some mild sibilance issues and a few brief areas of damage. Dialogue exchanges are clear, offering a full appreciation of performance abilities. Scoring supports with a sharp synth sound, remaining consistent throughout the listening experience.

Beware! Children at Play Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Commentary features director Mik Cribben.

• "Why I Don't Have Children: Reflecting on 'Beware! Children at Play'" (51:06, HD) is a making-of for the feature, including interviews with special FX directors Mark Dolson and Mark Kwiatek, composer Herschel Dwellingham, and actors Anthony Cartinella, Thatcher Long, Peter Riga, and Lauren Cloud. Personal histories are shared from the interviewees, and their journey to the production experience, putting their faith into director Mik Cribben, who worked tirelessly to keep the whole production afloat. Anecdotes are shared about the filming process, especially from a child's perspective. Music inspiration and instrumentation are recalled. And distribution is explored, with most of the actors completely unaware the endeavor, originally titled "Goblins," made its way to VHS and DVD, making for a fun movie night with loved ones.

• Interview (15:32, HD) sits down with director Mik Cribben to discuss his time on "Beware! Children at Play." Raised in Canada, Cribben eventually made his way to New York City to attend film school, ultimately working out an early treatment for his horror picture. Cribben points out the whole "Beowulf" idea in the screenplay, and details his casting experience, largely dealing with children who had to give up their whole summer to participate in the making of the movie. Makeup effects are celebrated, with gore displayed prominently on the set, soon attracting the attention of local law enforcement officials. The interviewee is borderline defensive about the quality of "Beware! Children at Play," repeating how low the budget was and how much was accomplished for the cash. An eventual sale to Troma Entertainment is recalled.

• Interview (3:54, SD) is an old conversation with director Mik Cribben, pulled from the DVD release of "Beware! Children at Play." The production origin story is recalled, and the cameraman (likely Lloyd Kaufman) can't sit still, constantly moving and zooming to create Troma excitement (scored to a Motorhead song).

• A Trailer has not been included on this release.

Beware! Children at Play Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

"Beware! Children at Play" finally deals with the woodies in the last act, upping the ugliness of it all with an extended sexual assault. Cribben isn't big on good taste, but he does finally get around to presenting a bloodbath, with the ending of the film best described as "The Red Recess," watching young actors and extras negotiate unexpectedly decent special effects with noticeable wincing. The sequence would be horrifying if it wasn't absolutely hilarious, tapping into a shock-y, campy atmosphere one wishes the rest of the movie had. Instead, it's a long road of chatty characters to get to the good stuff, with "Beware! Children at Play" cruelly limited in its nuttiness.