Bermuda Tentacles Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		1.0
Video		4.5
Audio		4.0
Extras		1.0
Overall		2.5

Bermuda Tentacles Blu-ray Movie Review

Don't sink your tentacles -- or your money -- into this rubbish.

Reviewed by Martin Liebman September 13, 2014

The "Bermuda Triangle" conjures up all variety of thoughts on the topics of mystery, conspiracy, and perhaps even the extraterrestrial. Now, add "bad movies" to that list. Bermuda Tentacles is the latest disaster from Asylum/SyFy, a cheap-thrills, by-the-book, no-budget creation that's little more than people shooting guns at digital creatures with a few would-be cool moments mixed in, cool were they from the hands of a more capable filmmaker working for a studio that provided a bigger budget. As it is, the movie is a perfect example of The Asylum's typical wares, a low-end poser with poor special effects, a has-been name lead actor, a flat story, and terrible pacing. It might be fun as background noise but audiences looking to dedicate 90 minutes of full focus on this one are duly warned.

Under attack.

Air Force One is flying through a terrible storm right on top of the infamous Bermuda Triangle. Bad idea. When the plane is struck by lightning -- or something else, perhaps -- the President (John Savage) is ejected in an escape pod while his plane and staff go down to their deaths. In response, a large chunk of the U.S. Navy goes in search of its commander-in-chief. The naval group is led by Admiral Linda Hansen (Linda Hamilton), and soon after arriving at the scene of the disaster, her group is met with an attack from large alien tentacles that extend above the surface. Small arms seem to have little effect, but the creatures are vulnerable, it seems, and an analysis shows that they may not be of this world. Meanwhile, a group of soldiers take an experimental submarine deep underwater to rescue the President, who is running out of time, and discover something spectacular, and deadly, deep below the water's surface.

A movie like this almost needs no review. Saying that may not be good for the site, but it's the truth. If anyone knows The Asylum, the movie is as predictable as the sunrise and as dull as an overcast day. To the filmmakers' credit, the picture seems to do everything it can to stretch its budget and make the movie look as good as it can, but slapping a Lexus emblem on a Gremlin really doesn't make a Gremlin a Lexus, or even a beater Chevy, for that matter. But there's at least a semblance of effort which goes a long way not so much in masking the movie's shortcomings -- they're far too evident to miss -- but in not completely insulting the viewing audience. Fortunately, The Asylum has reached that stage where audiences, at least those familiar with the studio's general output, should not be insulted but expectant, expectant of the same and pleasantly surprised when a film delivers above and beyond. An effects-heavy film like this, on an Asylum budget that features what looks like the same old helicopters used in countless other studio films copied and pasted into the final product, really stands no chance of standing out, not in the same way a smaller, more intimate movie like Mother or Golden Winter can, so there's at least a pretty good idea of what to expect coming in, and at least in that regard the movie doesn't let its audience down.

But that doesn't let it off the hook. Expectations for bad moviemaking are met, yes, but that's not an excuse for just following formula and plopping anything and everything on the screen for the sake of filling out a runtime. The visual effects show potential but are far too limited and poorly delivered to really make the movie a spectacle. Films like this really do require either the budget of a Battleship or the charm of a Harryhausen to work; these low-end digital effects really don't cut it, especially when movies several decades old like The Last Starfighter look better, not to mention practical visuals from movies even older still like Star Wars. Every visual effects shot simply yanks the viewer out of whatever tiny semblance of intensity the film may have built up beforehand, though certainly no thanks to its disinterested cast. Indeed, the cast is dreary and dull, from a check-cashing Linda Hamilton to background players who look half asleep while firing small arms at the creature. Only John Savage, who plays the President and seems to channel a little bit of real-life Vice President Joe Biden in terms of look and vocalization, really shows any interest. To the others' credit, though, they have nothing with which to work; the script is bland, the characterization is boring, and the physical sets and props are cheap and limited. There's simply a no-win scenario for a movie like this, outside, of course, just not making it in the first place.

Bermuda Tentacles Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Bermuda Tentacles reaches onto Blu-ray with a typically excellent Asylum 1080p, 1.78:1-framed transfer. Though it displays the usual handful of problems like light banding, washed-out skies, and minor noise in darker shots, the image does provide sparkling, crystal-clear, dynamic textures. Details are astounding right down to the micro level where it reveals the most complex facial lines, pores, and makeup coatings with incredible ease. Image clarity is striking and general details are excellent, such as seams around the ship and crisp military uniform lines. Colors satisfy, particularly up against the monochromatic naval gray backgrounds that are so dominant in exterior shots. Black levels are deep and flesh tones appear accurate. The movie may not be much, but the transfer is a joy to see.

Bermuda Tentacles Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Bermuda Tentacles features a well-developed DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 lossless soundtrack. Music, both the type that plays on top of the movie and the type that plays underneath it as a generic sort of Asylum-style heartbeat, enjoys crispness and energy, with well-defined notes throughout the entire range, a good front-end presence, and a natural surround support. Gunfire and explosions and other sounds of battle are nicely filling and are presented accurately throughout the entire stage. Several good directional effects are included. Dialogue delivery is accurate, with special attention to the good, natural drift of loudspeaker announcements heard around the ships. Overall, this is a fun soundtrack from The Asylum.

Bermuda Tentacles Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Bermuda Tentacles contains the usual small collection of Asylum supplements.

• 'Making of' Featurette (1080p, 9:05): Cast and crew briefly discuss the film, including production design, story, performances, and more.
• Gag Reel (1080p, 4:07).
• Previews: Additional Asylum titles.

Bermuda Tentacles Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Bermuda Tentacles is another drab, bad-effects-heavy piece from The Asylum. It's populated by boring characters and equally boring performances. The story is unimaginative, the character dynamics are flat, and the action is really, really boring, amounting to little more than some would-be decent underwater scenes mixed into shots of people firing prop guns with digital muzzle blasts at a digital creature, with some overhead shots of ships adrift and on fire scattered in for good measure. It's a fairly painful experience that's modern-day cinema fodder at is worst, even if it meets each and every audience expectation. The Asylum's Blu-ray release of Bermuda Tentacles delivers excellent video, strong audio, and the usual compliment of Asylum extras. Skip it.