Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		5.0
Audio		4.5
Extras		2.0
Overall		3.5

Baywatch Blu-ray Movie Review

Baywatch or Baydontwatch? Or Michael Baywatch? Or Just Baywatch the TV Show Instead?

Reviewed by Martin Liebman August 17, 2017

It seems like an impossible task, and probably a fool's errand, to try and make a movie based on a '90s TV show that was all about big muscles and ample bosoms crammed into tight one piece swimsuits. One would think the best-case scenario would be a hot, glossy, vibrant movie akin to Pain & Gain, where flash overtakes substance, though with enough substance to compliment the flash. That's not the case here. Baywatch deals in tired plot mechanics and generic comic relief. Lifeguarding is little more than a backdrop and the movie loses the simple charms of its television predecessor. Were it made a bit more slickly and its contrast pushed up to "scorched," one might have indeed mistaken it for a Michael Bay movie; it's essentially Pain & Gain meets Bad Boys. One could easily see Will Smith and Martin Lawrence replacing Dwayne Johnson and Zach Efron, and a morgue scene midway through feels ripped right out of Bad Boys II.

Veteran lifeguards Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson), C.J. Parker (Kelly Rohrbach), and Stephanie Holden (Ilfenesh Hadera) are holding open tryouts to fill three vacancies on the team. Amongst them is the shoe-in Summer Quinn (Alexandra Daddario), the overweight but dedicated Ronnie (Jon Bass), and Matt Brody (Zac Efron), the most interesting would-be trainee. Matt is a two-time Olympic gold medalist in swimming, winning both of his individual events but losing the relay for his team after vomiting during the event following a night of hard-partying. He's no doubt gifted but he's not exactly a team player. He and Mitch don't see eye-to-eye, but Mitch's superiors can't pass up the opportunity for publicity by bringing in a national celebrity to anchor the lifeguarding team.

Beyond those basics, the story involves a murder, a mystery the lifeguards will likely solve, a nefarious plot the lifeguards will assuredly foil, all the while learning to tolerate -- even love -- one another and their various idiosyncrasies. And yada, yada, yada. It's all just noise, the cinematic equivalent of cheap glue that holds the movie together, that gives it a purpose to market the title and introduce a new generation of muscle and breasts. Indeed, the plot is as empty, predictable, and pointless as they come. There's no tension, little dramatic flow, and only a concern to get to the next stale action scene or unnecessary gag.

In fact, if the filmmakers had trimmed out the movie's central comic relief character altogether -- the pudgy wannabe lifeguard named Ronnie who is crushing hard on one of the lifeguards -- the movie would at least elevate to the level of "passable" and potentially "enjoyable." As it is, his brand of painfully unfunny repetitive, borrowed, and tired humor drags the movie down significantly. Every time the movie gains a little steam, as the lead actors begin to shine and carry the characters and the material, here he comes for an extended sequence that's all but guaranteed to elicit groans rather than guffaws. His is a tired schtick that goes on about his body image, his discomfort around his crush, and the character's strange juxtaposition of willingness to go all-out in the name of making the team but inability to even string a sentence together whenever he's within shouting distance of the girl. The movie is too long as it is already; exorcising him from the entire thing would have helped tremendously. That's not a knock on Jon Bass, who performs the part as the script demands. It's just a bad part.

Characters are otherwise serviceable-to-good. There's little depth, but they're performed enthusiastically, a borderline miracle given a script that's bereft of creativity or purpose. Johnson and Efron seem to hit it off well, their antagonistic relationship unsurprisingly giving way to teamwork and friendship as the film moves along. Their characters are like a split of the girl from The Bronze: a local hero and cult figure (Johnson's Mitch Buchannon) meets a washed-up Olympic medalist who essentially gives life the middle finger with every waking moment (Efron's Matt Brody). Some of the film's few sincere laughs come as Mitch refers to Matt by names of boy bands and, eventually, calls him High School Musical. Supporting cast members Alexandra Daddario (who also worked with Johnson in San Andreas), Kelly Rohrbach, and Ilfenesh Hadera fill in nicely (in more ways than one) as the secondary female members of the team. Cameos from television's Baywatch include David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson. Their appearances, however brief (in Anderson's case, appearing without saying a word), are essential, not just as a tie-in but as fan service. The waiting game for their pending arrivals might be the most fun part of the entire movie experience.

Baywatch Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

If Baywatch delivers anything of value, it's the gorgeous 1080p transfer. This is about the zenith of what the Blu-ray format can achieve. The digitally photographed movie is squeaky clean but never flat or failing to find detail. The image is clear, rich, and robust, showcasing skin -- pores, tattoos, ripped muscles and vascularity, chest hair, and bouncing breasts -- with impeccable definition. Sandy beaches, lifeguard attire and equipment, anything and everything pushes the format's abilities. It's a seamless marriage of textural intensity and digital clarity and cleanliness. Colors are likewise superb, with reds unsurprisingly the highlight. The franchise's trademark red swimsuits reveal impressive punch and saturation, deep and detailed but never overpowering any other color in the film, whether some sporadically appearing natural greens or additional clothing colors. Bright blue skies and waters are additional ever-present supports that shine. Black levels, particularly during nighttime exterior shots, are perfectly deep and inky. Flesh tones are a touch warm (as is the entire palette) but complimentary to the movie's style and setting. No more than a sprinkling trace of noise is ever evident and no other source or encode issues appear. They don't come any better than this.

Baywatch Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Baywatch features a Dolby Atmos soundtrack that delivers the movie's rush of music with verve and authority. Clarity is excellent no matter the style, whether sharp Rock riffs or Hip-Hop beats. Detail is impeccable, aggression is unmistakable, width and immersion are obvious and balanced, and the low end belts out prodigious notes. Listeners will often feel completely enveloped by music. It can be overbearing at times, narratively, anyway, but even in excess there's no mistaking the excellence of delivery and the track's want to push systems harder than most. Action effects, such as exploding fireworks, watercraft engines, or raging flames on and around an engulfed yacht deliver supreme potency and detail through the aggressiveness. The top layer doesn't engage frequently, often used for support, but some of those action scenes, and the fireworks during the climax in particular, offer a pleasantly tangible top-side presence, particularly as they shoot towards the sky. Counter to the track's nearly constant intensity are pleasantly light ambient effects, like seagulls and gently rolling waves, which can be heard during calmer dialogue scenes. The spoken word presents firmly and effortlessly from the center. Prioritization could stand to tighten up a bit during the most intensive scenes where effects and music can compete rather hard with verbal exchanges.

Baywatch Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Baywatch contains three featurettes and a collection of deleted and extended scenes. A DVD copy of the film and a UV/iTunes digital copy code are included with purchase. This release also includes two cuts of the film: Theatrical (1:56:27) and Extended (2:01:22).

• Meet the Lifeguards (1080p, 21:36): A detailed examination of the cast and characters and the qualities the actors brought to the roles.
• Continuing the Legacy (1080p, 9:27): A look at the TV show's success and legacy and the importance of recreating it in the right way.
• Stunts & Training (1080p, 9:09): As the title suggests, this supplement looks at the actors' physical preparations for the parts and executing the necessary scenes and stunts.
• Deleted & Extended Scenes (1080p, 10:06 total runtime): CJ Messes with Stephanie, Coffee and Doughnuts, Where Could I Score?, Bathroom Misunderstanding, Directions to the Morgue, and Brody and Captain Thorpe.

Baywatch Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Baywatch is hardly the biggest dud of all time, but it is one of the most unnecessary and unoriginal films ever made, and that's not simply because it comes based on preexisting content. The plot finds not even a smidgen of creativity between its character construction and action-intrigue details, and Heaven help the future of cinema if characters like Ronnie are here to stay, though with a clone of him in just about every Comedy of the 21st century, it seems a safe bet. The movie has its moments, particularly when Johnson and Efron get on the same page, which is most every scene they share. Otherwise, this one's a sad Michael Bay clone with no redeeming value, either dramatic or entertainment. Paramount's Blu-ray does boast exceptional video and wonderful Atmos audio. A few supplements are included. Fans can certainly buy with confidence given the high-end tech presentation, but those who have yet to see the film should think twice before paying to see a movie they've seen countless times before.